Right, Let’s Talk German Football

Simon Dymond

Right then. The usual Premier League brouhaha is kicking off, but the real thinking man’s punt is over in Germany. The new Bundesliga season. Forget what you know.

The big story is always Bayern Munich. They’re a machine. But a machine that broke down last year. Leverkusen, the team that never wins anything, just went and won it all. A proper conundrum, that. Was it a lucky streak or has the whole German football world gone mad. For a tenner (10 £) you could get some wild odds on it happening again.

I remember this lad Klaus, a mate from Hamburg, trying to explain their 50+1 rule to me in The Stag’s Head in Dublin. Something about fans owning the teams. Real people. Sounded like fierce craic. He bought the pints so I just agreed with him.

And you’ve got Borussia Dortmund, god love em. Their Yellow Wall is a maelstrom of pure noise they’ll give it socks again, you can be sure of it. With Jadon Sancho back pulling the strings, they could cause some real trouble for the big boys. The passion there is just different.

It’s a different world. Honestly. The tickets make sense, the stadiums are full. Give it a proper look this season. It’s a different kettle of fish entirely.

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👉 The Other German Shenanigans

But it’s not just the big dogs, is it. You’ve got that lot from Leipzig. Red Bull. They try to swerve that 50+1 rule with some creative accounting. Call themselves “RasenBallsport” which means Lawn Ball Sports. A load of old codswallop. No history just cash. But they play some decent stuff, you have to give it to them.

And then there’s VfB Stuttgart, came out of absolutely nowhere last season. A proper fairytale, if fairytales involved a gargantuan striker from Guinea banging in goals for fun. Can they do it again? The whole Bundesliga is a theatre for this stuff. Teams have one brilliant, earth-shattering season and then get picked apart like a Sunday roast.

You have to feel for Harry Kane, you really do. The man leaves England to finally win a trophy. Scores a mountain of goals. Wins the square root of sod all. It’s a tragedy of Shakespearean proportions, played out in lederhosen. It’s almost too perfect. It is a beautiful, baffling mess. You wouldn’t get it anywhere else. Just watch.

👉 So, Is It Worth a Punt?

So that’s the long and short of it. The whole thing is a glorious muddle now. It used to be you could set your watch by Bayern winning, now its as predictable as the Dublin bus service. A real palaver to figure out.

You have all these other teams on their own quixotic quests. Little Freiburg, always punching above their weight. Even Union Berlin with that stadium of theirs. They say Jurgen Klopp’s spirit still haunts the league, whispering tactics on the wind. Which is odd, as he’s not dead.

Honestly, the German Bundesliga is a proper spectacle. It is unpredictable, its full of heart and proper fans. Forget the usual noise on the telly. This is where the strange magic is. Go on.

Simon Dymond
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